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Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love.
Lao Tzu
BS. Computer Science Student at Baguio. Likes web designing, 3D modeling, photo
editing and stargazing...
Likes spending the night in front of his PC while sipping his hot mocha coffee.
Likes to be alone in his room so he can sing his songs, play his guitar and recite
his poems. Likes taking pictures while strolling around the city of pines alone.
Birthday - D-Day
.:. Favorites .:.
*Songs - Classical (strauss and sort), music by the Beatles, Coldplay
Mew, Travis, Sigur Ros, Oasis, Radiohead, Eraserheads, enya, Switchfoot
*Movies - K_Pax, Forrest Gump, Contact, My Sassy Girl, Far and Away, Disney
Movies, Sunshine, Monster House,Apocalypse Now, 3-Iron(Bin-Jip),Shrek movies
*Favorite Books(s):The Yin Yang of Programming, Bible, Quran, What the Buddha
Taught (Walpola Rahula) . Kiss of the Spiderwoman (a very gay book), Karaoke Song
Playlist, Beyond Good and Evil (Friedrich Nietzsche), Crime and Punishment (Fyodor
Dostoevsky), The Final Theory (Mark McCutcheon), God's Debris (Scott Adams), 40 Days
with the Poor (Frank Padilla), Piano for Dummies, Idiot's Guide for Dating, How to
draw a woman's body, Idiot's Guide for Verbal Self-Defense. Ilocano Survival Book,
Paolo Coelho Books. Harry Potter Books, Eve's Diary, Still have many books to
read...
*Favorite Pet(s):Dog and Cat lalo na
pagmagkasama sila
*Favorite Color: Blue and orange
*Favorite Quote/s: if p then q
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Thursday, January 01, 2009
It's so sad I'm leaving this blog. I had been writing under this site for more than 4 years. For all those times, just putting an entry here was already a relief for me to exhaust all my emotions though actually I wasn't really accomplishing perfectly what I was trying to say. I was not even sure if there were other people who actually able to read a part of it. Leaving this blog is just like leaving a room or "tambayan" on the real world.
Reasons are mainly on the technicalities of the host site.
But just like moving to a new home, you can give yourself a new head start. And you can also bring your things there. And luckily my, new home was able to work just like that.
I now moved to alexies.wordpress.com. Wordpress was able to import my old posts, comments and other details. But the theme and ambiance of this blog is still irreplaceble because I designed it all by myself. This site will still be a very important place for me on the cyberspace.
penned my thoughts
at [5:53 PM]
Friday, August 15, 2008
I fear that I will always be penned my thoughts
at [10:27 PM]
Sunday, July 20, 2008
I had volunteered many of my college saturdays in a Gawad kalinga site. If I was not into carrying of hollow blocks or heavy sacks of gravel, I was organizing games for the little kids. Sometimes I had to do it to escape the heavy work and the heat of the sun. I am not really good with kids and it was a challenge to mingle with them. You couldn’t just always make them agree on whatever you say. So don’t ever ever say things like, "Maganda ba ako?" or "Cute ba ako?" if you are not sure of it. You would definitely be judged accordingly. I know. Once in a GK community in Pangasinan, there was this little girl who all of a sudden cried while on the middle of the activity. I couldn’t make her calm and I was not even sure why she was crying at the first place. I was looking around if anyone was noticing the commotion. I was very afraid that her mother would come to me and do things a mother would do for her child. I looked for ways to bring down the chaos. Then I found a “Zest-o” orange juice, cupcake and lots of candies. Then I said to the little girl, "Dahil magaling ka umiyak, may premyo kang Orange Juice, Cupcake na Pandan Flavor at tatlong candies". I was not really sure it would work and she was still crying. Then the other kids also started crying, but obviously not something to take seriously. They were faking it making funny noises. "Wala namang luha, wala, tingnan mo siya meron". Then they started wetting their eyebrows with their saliva. The scene became livelier and I noticed the girl finally stopped weeping on the corner. "Palakpakan naman natin siya kasi magaling siyang umiyak", I handed her her prizes. Then they clapped as hard as they could, still making those funny noises. "Pahingi din ako ng candy", the other kids insisted, but finally the other set of cupcakes came right on time to redeem me of this very challenging mission. To end the activity with the kids, I showed them a magic trick, the "Look ma, my index finger is now pointing to the other hole of my nose" trick. Then I extended my tongue out and put my middle finger onto it. Some of the kids tried to imitate my trick but instead used both their index finger. Yummy ...... Years later (a couple weeks ago), I was alone with this pretty lady who was almost every weekdays with me. After they closed the door and turned off the brighter lights, she started to weep then scolded me not to look at her. We were always together talking and laughing with just about anything. We were always having early lunch so we could watch 1 episode for the lunch break. We were always going home after together. But it was very uncomfortable being with her right then as if i didn’t know her at all . She bent her head, leaned against her folded hands on the table in front of her. She covered her head with her jacket to hide her gloomy face, but I could tell from her deep breathing of air and mucus that she was crying. The same feeling of guilt came back to me after those years, because someone specially a lady was crying with only me by her side and I had no idea how to calm her down. I was thinking what could be the reason. Was it because of me? It could not be me. Did I say something to her that would make her cry?. No, it was not me. She doesn’t take my words seriously. Maybe a family problem reached her. Or maybe she already had a boyfriend to fight with after all. Or maybe because the mid-year bonus was not yet available. What if they come back seeing her crying? They will definitely blame it to me. The pack of Tobleron chocolates on the table on other side got my attention. I took three small bars of them, each of different flavors. One was the original chocolate. The others were the milk chocolate and the chocolate/coffee flavor. I put them near her head and said that someone left us a Pasalubong straight from Singapore. I could no longer hear her deep breathing. She fell asleep. So I went back to my seat beside her and I continued playing StarCraft on my PC. Then, the lights turned on and they came entering the room. They asked her, "Anong nangyari sa iyo?". "Nakatulog lang ako sir, napuyat kasi ako kagabi", she replied then made a very bright face. Later, she turned to me then said, "Lex, salamat sa chocolate, you can have the white one, sabi mo kasi gusto mo yung milk chocolate". Then I grabbed it and ate it whole. penned my thoughts
at [8:25 PM]
Monday, May 05, 2008
3 years of writing on this part of the cyberspace... penned my thoughts
at [3:01 PM]
Sunday, March 02, 2008
one thousand days of waiting penned my thoughts
at [1:31 PM]
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Sabi nung boss ko sa dati kong kumpanya. "Rolling Stones gather no moss". penned my thoughts
at [12:01 PM]
Saturday, December 22, 2007
I had this funny wish when I was younger, maybe about 12 years old. I believed than what you like when you die is what will remain of you when you are in heaven. S0 I wished to die much younger (before my 13th bday) , young enough to play at the depicted garden of Eden and enjoy every inches of it. I thought of adults then as boring and doing the same things everyday. They are so much connected to a limited schedule and space that is why they always feel old and tired. I wished to die young enough when I had still no wealth to bring and lover and children to wait for. (I think I'm still qualified for that =) penned my thoughts
at [8:56 PM]
Kadadating ko lang ng Baguio mga isang oras bago ako pumunta sa binyag dahil ako ay magnininong. Meron na yata akong anim na inaanak penned my thoughts
at [8:24 PM]
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Aakyat na naman ako sa Mount Pulag sa 17.. Tapos pagkababa ko..punta na ako ng Manila para magwork. Bagong buhay.. Di ko talaga matatakasan ang init ng Manila. Hope to meet new friends there.
penned my thoughts
at [10:01 AM]
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Baguio City: Umuulan ngayon ng yelo sa labas..di naman snow. Pero medyo malaki na pwedeng panghalo-halo ang size. May size din na kasing laki ng pebble. Nagstart siya nung mga bandang 5:14 PM. Hail stone ba tawag dun... Wala naman akong nakitang nabasag na salamin ng mga kotse... boring. Pero parang nakakita ako ng isang may shape na tube..yung parang nilalagay sa mga drinks ng mga fast food chains. Cool!.
penned my thoughts
at [5:16 PM]
A lonely number like root three
The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed
Harold and Kumar 2: Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Writing just about anything..serious, nakakatawa, corny, atbp.
Masarap basahin kahit minsan ikaw lang naman ang nakakaalam kung ano ang sense.
Mga emo words kahit di pa masyadong sikat noon ang emo music at culture.
Alam ko kader-der (kadiri) yung mga drama,action, comedy at hmm porn.. pero ganun pala talaga.
Minsan nga kinikilabutan ako kung bakit isinulat ko ang mga yun ng hindi pa plantsado. Bawas pogi points..heck.
Nasanay kasi ako na kapag i-che-check kung may error yung isinulat ko ay pinipindot ko yung "F9" o yung compile command.
Pero ang mahalaga ay yung mga memories at mga nalampasan kong pangyayari...
Sayang, kung uso na pala ang blogging noong sanggol pa ako, buhay pa sana yung mga sinulat kong nabasa ng baha at pinag-siga ng bonfire.
Ow men... pag binabasa ko talaga mga posts ko, kinikilabutan ako... gusto kong iuntog ang ulo ko sa pader...
Pero mas makatawa yung blog ni Rizal.. Na moved ako , kahit pala ganun yung mga sinulat niya sa mga libro nya, may mga bloopers din naman pala siya. Ikaw talaga Rizal ha.. *wink* *Wink*
sabi nga raw ni Ni, bat parang kabuhok mo na si Rizal. Sabi ko na lang, mali kayo, spaghetti yun...
pero kahit minsan mali mali ang grammar, mali ang spelling , o kaya masyadong madrama, masyadong OA, masyadong corny... masyadong bastos, masyadong ****
ito ang tandaan..
genuine naman..
Happy 3rd year anib sayo saan ka mang parte ng cyberspace nakalagay... apir.
At least nag-improve na ang iyong designing skill..next tym magfocus ka naman sa writing..
little histoy:
this page was created just to test my designing and programming skills.
kung hindi maintindihan .... itratranslate ko na lang sa C language...
one thousand days of hope
one thousand days of longing
one thousand days for me to cope
a day to a thousand seems to be short
but much briefer is the moment I hold
Then was the time that would only be a dream
A much better word, from the sky I should have seen
For an hour that we spent
Would haunt me again and again
Like a ghost that wouldn't listen
His heart is still not giving
For a thousand days of reanimating
a part of it that needed fixing
But only on those mere vague memories
Those should have outcomes would live and cling
Though I waited for a thousand days
And a thousand days i have become
A much more dreamer than those thousand men
But I'll wait one more day for you to come
~0795
kaya sabi ko naman,
"Rolling stones may not gather much moss but they will tend to be rounder ,shinier and smoother". Tapos naisip ko pa pareho lang din naman silang maeerode, at sa mga stagnant, yung mismong moss nila ang sisira at magpapahina sa kanila.
Mas maliit at mas mabilog ang bato, mas malayo na ang nalakbay nito (Geo 2), mas madaling makarating sa dagat.
Mahilig kasi akong mag-isip ng mga kasabihan o quotes o kahit anu pang tanong tapos hinahanapan ko ng butas o pang negate. Minsan, hinahanapan ko rin ng pang-counter negate. Ganyan ang tumatakbo sa isip ko kapang hindi makatulog o gusto lang magpalipas ng oras. Kaya minsan kung may lumabas na ganung topic, medyo alam ko na yung mga pangsagot at pangdefense.
Pero di ko alam kung bakit naisip ko yan ngayon. Paano ko kaya iyan idudugtong.
Siguro nga, isa akong rolling stone hindi dahil palipat lipat ako (ng bahay 3 in 3 months dito sa Manila) kundi literally, mas gusto ko laging gumagala kung saan saan kahit di ko alam ang pupuntahan.
Agent 0795
Nung last week, habang nag-iinternet ako, napunta ako sa website nitong isang church tapos naisip ko lang na puntahan. Ang rason ko lang ay gustong magkaroon ng misyon na kakaiba para sa week na yun kasi natapos ko naman yung module ko para sa project. Nagsearch ako ng lokasyon nung simbahan at paano pumunta. Tinitingnan ko sa google maps yung mga posibleng palatandaan saka mga letrato ng mga katabing buildings. Niregister ko sa utak ko lahat ng posibleng refrences para makapunta dun. Ako na mismo ang nag curse sa sarili ko na kapag di ko yun mapuntahan within that week, mamalasin ako the next week.
Saturday
Di ako natuloy kasi pumunta ako sa Cavite sa Tita ko. May maling nagbalita kasi sa akin na lalaya na raw yung asawa nya after 17 years na nakakulong. Isang araw akong tumambay at nagbaby sit ng mga pamangkin.
Sunday
Umuwi ako at nakabalik lang ng mga 10 AM. Pero dahil nakapag commit ako sa sarili ko, hindi ako mapakali na hindi tumuloy. Pagkatapos kong magpahinga at maligo, Lumarga na ako para sa misyon.
The Saga begins
mga 11:30 AM, pagkababa ko sa MRT nadaanan ko itong isang matandang bulag na nag-gigitara habang kumakanta nung familiar na song na may lyrics na
"Drea-ea-ea-m,dream,dream,dream,drea-ea-ea-m,dream,dream
Whenever I want u all I have to do is drea-ea-ea-m".
Tumawid ako ng kalsada pero di ko alam yung sasakyan na jeep. Pero nagdecide akong sumakay nung isang jeep kasi alam ko deretso lang naman yung daan dun. Dun ako pumuwesto sa harapan malapit sa driver para madaling makapagpara kung may nakita na akong palatandaan. Pero wala pa lang akong nakikitang familiar na mga buildings mula dun sa mga letrato kong nakita sa internet ay biglang nag U-turn pabalik yung jeep. Para hindi na ako mapalayo pa, pumara na lang ako na parang kunyari dun talaga ako bababa. Dahil dun, nagutom tuloy ako kaya nagdecide akong kumain muna bago ipagpatuloy ang misyon. Napansin kong sarado yung mga kainan dun maliban sa ilang mga karinderyang napuno na ng mg mga gutom na driver. Napansin ko yung pangalan nung isang restaurant na sarado. Parang narinig ko na sa mga usapan nung mga office mates ko nung nag-uusap sila tungkol sa mga pagkain. "ClassMates" yata yung pangalan pero nakakapagtakang mga sarado yung mga establishments dun. Tumingin ako sa direksyon nung pupuntahan ko. May mga nakita akong mga hanay ng mga overpass kaya nagdecide akong maglakad na lang muna hanggang makakita ng makakainan. Medyo mainit yung sikat ng araw dahil mga tanghaling tapat na pala at nahinto na lang ako dun sa ChowKing. Umorder ako ng pagkain na maraming rice para extra energy. Umakyat ako sa upper floor para maghintay na lang ng inorder ko. Napansin ko na ako lang yata ang tao sa buong floor na yun.
Pagkatapos kong kumain at magpahinga, nagsimula uli akong maglakad at kahit sinasabi ko na sa sarili ko na tumawid na lang at sumakay uli ng jeep, tinutulak pa rin ako ng paa ko na maglakad na lang. Halos tatlong overpass ang nalampasan ko para magdecide na tumawid. Habang naglalakad ako ay di ko maiwasang mapansin yung mga batang pagala-gala sa tabi lang ng kalsada at ilang mga lalaki na natutulog sa may lilong malapit lang sa roadside. Di ko talagang maiisip kung pano nila natitis na makapagpahinga sa napakapanghing lugar na iyon. May nakita pa akong isang lola na siguro ay may edad na mga 70 plus na natutulog lang dun sa kariton malapt sa kalsada.
Cross Road
Nakakita na rin ako ng familiar na palatandaan na ibig sabihin ay malapit na ako dun sa pupuntahan ako. Nasa top view kasi ang pagkakaregister nung buong lugar sa isip ko. Lumiko ako ng kalsda at pinagmasdan yung isang malaking gusali na parang isang istrakturang ginawa pa noong ancient Greece. May nakasulat sa harap nito na katunog ng pangalan ng isang quartet string + drums OPM band.
Climax
Lumiko uli ako sa isang medyo maliit na eskinita. Alam kong sa dulo nun ay nandun na ang simbahan na hinahanap ko. Parang biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko na parang ang pupuntahan ko ay isang lugar na lumalabas lang minsan sa isang daang taon.Dahan dahanang naglakad papalapit at para naman medyo espesyal ay sa gitna ako ng kalsada naglakad. Maraming bagay ang pumapasok sa isip ko... baka may masalubong akong di inaasahan. Sabi nga nila, "Fate is building bridges of chances". Medyo masikip ang eskinita at may mga lalaking nagbabasketball sa daan na mga nakahubad pa ng damit at malalaki ang katawan. Halata sa mga hugis ng kanilang masel ang hirap at bigat ng kanilng mga binubuhat.
Pero di ko sila inalintana at naglakad pa rin ako papunta sa dulo. Nabigla ako dahil biglang may kumalabog sa likod ko. Nadapa at nawalan ng balanse ang dalawang batang nagroroller blades ngunit maswerte sila dahil konting galos lang ang natamo nila.
Nakarating din ako sa harap ng church. Pinagmasdan ko ang lugar at mga taong lumalabas at pumapasok dito. Sa bandang taas ng building ay may nakalagay na tarpauline tungkol sa simbahan at malaking letrato ng isang lalaki na mga late 30s o early 40 years old tingnan. Medyo familiar sa akin yung mukha nung pastor ng simbahan pero di ko maalala kung bakit. Mga ilang sigundo pa ng pag-iisp ay napangiti ako sa naalala ko. Kung titingnan ang ngiti, mukha at salamin, kahawig na kahawig yung pastor nung office mate ko. Ang tingin ko tuloy dun sa pastor ay yung older version ni Joey
na team mate at group mate ko rin sa module na nak-assign sa akin. Di ko mapigiling ngumiti dahil sa para silang pinagbiyak na bunga at sa tuwing maalala ko si Joey napapangiti ako dahil sa kanyang pagiging kwela sa team. Napapatawa akong mag-isa kahit may ilang napapatingin sa akin. Nasabi ko na lang, "God can also make a joke", "Kahit wala akong kadate ngayong Valentines Day, masaya na ako..."
Denouement
Inubos ko lang ang C2 kong binili sa tindahan sa tapat ng simbhan at pagkatapos ay nagdesisyong lumakad na palabas ng eskinita. Di ko parin mapigilang ngumiti habang naglalkad papalayo. Sumakay ng jeep pauntang MRT station. Nandun pa rin ang matandang naggigitara at sa dati paring himig ng awiting...
"Drea-ea-ea-m,dream,dream,dream,drea-ea-ea-m,dream,dream
Whenever I want u all I have to do is drea-ea-ea-m"
OT
Dahil medyo maaga pa. Nagdecide uli akong magstroll.. pumunta ako sa UP.
itutuloy
They say..I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.
~ Isaac Asimov (3 Laws of Robotics/ etc)
If there's an afterlife, Heaven must have been overpopulated by now.
~the guy from My Girl and I (A Korean Movie)
For me, there's an after life, I just don't know what it is and what it would be like. It might be a grand celebration and welcome on heaven or just a peaceful permanent slumbering on a peace of Earth. I really dont know so I don't just think and wait what would I do when I get there, I am already doing them in here. Maybe that was one of the reasons, I talk fast, I walk fast, I eat fast before. Ok..I still do eat faster than others..anyway.
I have been attending different churches and most of them asking me the same questions if where would I go after I die, I just dont know (More complicated questions after that).
I play a lot here on earth. I go to every inches of it that I think I can only visit once in my lifetime. I record every sounds, I take a picture of every scenes, I meet people on all walks of life. That is what I'm doing right now. And I feel I'm in the middle of heaven and hell. And one thing I learned from those, A heaven can exist on hell and a hell can exist on heaven. Yes.. they can coexist. So wherever I go, I just build my own space of heaven (I'm not different after all). And when I'm in a place they call heaven, I cant blind my self from seeing the hell. And knowing the laws of both worlds is like conquering both of them.
Bago ako pumunta sa baguio, nagovertime ako ng hanggang 2 AM ng umaga saka nag bus deretrso na dito. Nagkasalisi kami nung kapatid ko kasi kaalis lang din niya nung umaga. Kaya mag-isa ako ngayon. Halos 3 weeks akong oovertime sa work dahil yung project namin ay para sa government na base sa aking experience ay medyo delayed sa mga requirements. Kaya halos tatlong linggo akong late na nakakauwi sa bahay sa Makati. Ang masama pa, hindi naisama yung overtime pay sa sweldo ku nung 15 kaya wala akong budget ngayong Pasko.
Kaya Merry Christmas na lang.
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